Harry Potter and The Baby Shower
by DelorisPea
Summary: Harry Potter and his inner monologue go to Hermione Grangers baby shower. Much inner debating occurs. Implied Hermione/Ron if you blink Harry/Draco. 30minute Challenge fic for HiH Writersblock at Livejournal.


Hello! This is a 30minute fic done for the HiH_Writersblock challenge #1 over at Livejournal. The challenge is to pick the first line of any chapter in any of the HP books and write a fic based around it, or just use the line really. My line was out of the Prisoner of Azkaban and was in chapter 20 and it is my first line of this fic.

Summary: Harry Potter and his inner monologue go to Hermione Grangers baby shower. Much inner debating occurs.

Warnings: Attempted humour, some bad language, implied ravishing and hatred of the stereotypical view that gay=female. :-)

**As the rules request - this is completely un-beta'd and barely looked over so it WILL contain grammatical mistakes. It was done in 30minutes so I have an excuse.**

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_Harry had never been part of a stranger group_. He was surrounded in what seemed like a room full of marshmallows, maybe even made of marshmallows. Everything was pink, white or cream, like a five year old girl's unicorn dream. Actually Harry was quite surprised there were no unicorns, princesses or ponies present. Yet again he hadn't left his spot behind the sofa in over 30minutes so he might have missed them.

He didn't know why he was standing in a white robe, feigning smiles at the bushy haired women that walked by but he knew one thing for certain, the reason was about to come crashing into him and demand his happiness if he didn't perk up.

Hermione Granger was a formidable woman. No-one could deny that, although Harry Potter was a stubborn man and when it came down to it, no-one could force him into anything, right? Wrong.

Pregnant Hermione Granger seemed to deny all laws of nature by becoming even more formidable, so when she had requested Harry's presence at her baby shower, Harry had absolutely no choice in the matter.

Harry assumed that he would be expected to turn up with a bunch of presents, smile at people then leave and talk to Ron. What Harry was not expecting was the fact he was the only male in attendance and yet he was still made to wear the very feminine robes that Hermione had picked out so everyone would match each other and the function room.

In response to this Harry had demanded to know why he was the only male here. He had wondered why at every opportunity his friends had laughed when he mentioned this day, but now that it made sense, he was looking forward to getting even.

Hermione's only response was a short laugh and a sarcastic eyebrow. Something that should have been trademarked by Draco Malfoy a long time ago, because if he looked scary doing it, there were no words to describe how, one, Hermione Granger, looked doing it.

Sensing his confusion, like she always did, Hermione went on to explain that it perfectly acceptable to Harry to be there because he was gay.

It took a while for this statement to actually settle in and then by the time it finally did, Hermione was of entertaining Mrs Weasley and her Mother.

Harry had come out in fifth year to all of his closest friends in a very blatant way. Walking into the Gryffindor common room with a blonde attached to his side, he proceeded to snog him until breathless leaving no room for people to doubt his sexuality.

After two months of dealing with a jealous Ginny, a bitter Hermione who hated not knowing stuff first and a disgusted Ron, he decided that spending more time with the aforementioned blonde was in order, therefore giving Harry his first and last relationship experience.

What Harry couldn't work out was why in Hermione's mind gay meant female. He has had only one sexual partner but was pretty sure after all these years, four to be exact, that gay meant quite the opposite.

Harry had absolutely no desire to be female, or to have a female partner. Quite frankly, Harry preferred the penis, although arguing with Hermione in the state she had been in the weeks prior to the party was not something even a brave Gryffindor and the defeater of the Dark Lord would contemplate.

Now Harry was in a room full of excited, mostly broody, women and he had never in all his years been more scared. He always thought women where kind of strange, ever since he was a small child. I suppose that is when he should have realized he was gay, although things don't come quick to Harry and it took him just a few more years than most of the other gay guys in Hogwarts.

Although nothing in this world could have prepared him for how strange women get when they become pregnant, or are around another pregnant woman.

The screaming, screeching, cooing, petting and hugging that were going on around him made Harry want to face the Dark Lord and all his death eaters again, just to avoid this.

If his day wasn't strange enough, a loud voice echoed around the room, bringing with it some exciting news.

'Pass the parcel in five minutes!'

The screams that followed were concrete evidence to Harry that women are strange. Why would anyone find passing a parcel around a circle fun? Even the cheesy music couldn't make it any less pathetic than it was already. Oh, how his day was going to be good. His last thought before he got lost in the wave of women moving to the circle of chairs, was that he really was glad he was gay.

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Draco Malfoy was having the best day ever. He had a warm double bed all to himself, he had double chocolate chip ice cream and he had the remote to the television all to himself. This would have been perfect if only for one thing. Oh how he wished to see the pained looked on Harry Potters face at Grangers party. He had known for a while that Potter was going to be the only male, yet he didn't think it was important to tell him.

This was going to cause great amusement for Draco. He just knew it.

Just as he was getting into the next episode of Desperate Housewives he heard the door creak. This was going to be good.

Draco saw the brunette mop of hair before he saw the body, yet he knew exactly who it was. Who else would be caught dead in a white robe with pink stitching and a neon pink gift bag with a bunny and a little girl on it?

Harry Potter looked like a flaming homo, and yet he couldn't deny that he wanted to ravage him silly, although the request died on his lips as he saw the miserable look on his Husbands face.

The brunette did not look happy and more importantly he did not look in the mood.

'Baby. Come to bed. I'll cheer you up.' Draco put on his sexiest bedroom voice, at least he thought it was sexy, and was saddened by the fact that Harry only seemed to look more upset as he relaxed onto the bed beside him.

'We are never having children.'

'Harry if you haven't notice. We are men, we can't have children.'

'We are still never having children and just to make sure, we are never having sex.' Harry was now sporting a pout that could rival a toddler.

Draco couldn't help but laugh but stopped abruptly after seeing the wounded look on Harry's face turn into a scowl.

With a loud sigh, Harry turned his back on Draco, leaving the blonde a pretty view of the Brunettes ass, something he wasn't getting near tonight.

This is when Draco Malfoy made the most important decision of his life.

He _never_ wanted children.

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Thanks for reading. There are 50 challenges that I hope to complete in the next few weeks. This is an effort to get over my Harry/Draco block at the minute with 'The Diary' and to expand on new pairings. I swore I wouldn't do a Harry/Draco one for the challenges but I absolutely could not resist this because the bunny just wrote itself.


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